


Fifth time lucky

by Adara_Rose



Series: Cobblepot family values [6]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Addams Family Levels of Violence, Adoption, Dark Comedy, Family Feels, Inspired by Addams Family, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 16:36:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11832702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adara_Rose/pseuds/Adara_Rose
Summary: Four presumptive daughters failed to make it past lunch. The fifth one, however, is showing a lot of promise.





	Fifth time lucky

“Are you dead?” The fifth attempt at a new daughter asked Alfred, who looked decidedly unimpressed. The last four hadn’t gotten past lunch, and he wasn’t in the mood to clean up blood from the kitchen floor again today. Plus, Master Edward still hadn’t  _ had _ lunch.

“Yes” he told the girl, who had very red hair. She looked at him thoughtfully for several moments.

“Does your head come off?” She wanted to know, looking at the stitches around his neck.

“Yes but I’d rather not remove it, such a hassle to get back on” he explained.

“That’s alright. I can sew.” She had spunk, this one. He liked her.

“Then we can try after lunch.” he promised and escorted her and a beaming Edward into the kitchen.

 

The girl spooned jam over her pancakes, pausing only momentarily at Edward’s “it’s poisonous”.

“I’ve had worse” was her only comment, and Edward watched in wonderment as she ate her fill. This was getting better and better. 

“I think we’ll keep you.” he said eventually, beaming. “Just need to do something about that hair. And the clothes.”

“First I need to stitch your butler’s head back on.” Edward raised an eyebrow.

“It hasn’t been removed.”

The girl smiled. It was almost as devilish as Oswald’s. “Not yet.”

 

* * *

 

Bruce circled the presumptive new sister slowly, warily. She looked back, calm. 

“I like your hair” he said, feeling for the razor in his pocket.

“Thank you” she said, “Mr Nygma says it’s just the right colour.”

“I’ve never seen that shade of red before.” Bruce said as he brandished the razor. “It'll be a great addition to my collection!” 

With that, he attacked. But she was quick; diving out of the way and delivering a punch to his chest at the same time.

He laughed; finally a girl like Selina. He chased his possibly new sister into the hallway, towards the stairs. He wondered how many bones she’d break when she fell.

 

Bruce managed to catch up to the girl on the landing, and gripped that beautiful red hair hard, forcing her head back. She yeleld in pain, making him laugh even more.

“I only want a little!” He told her reassuringly. The girl stamped on his foot then followed it with an elbow to the gut. Before Bruce knew it, he was tumbling headfirst down the rickety stairs.

 

There was a stunned silence.

 

* * *

 

 

Bruce limped over to his display case on his sprained ankle, and added the lock of vibrant red hair to it’s rightful place. Next to it, he placed a little post-it, which was there only until he got a proper plaque. He admired the makeshift label; “ _ Ivy Cobblepot, age 12. Little sister _ ”.

 

“So can you give me that tour now?” Ivy asked from the doorway and bruce turned to face her. She was dressed in an old-fashioned emerald green gown, which made her pale skin seem almost translucent. It made him want to peel it off to see what she looked like beneath. 

“Sure, just need to get you a suitable weapon.” he agreed. She held up his razor.

“This doesn’t work?” He grinned widely at her, realising that father had found the  _ perfect _ girl.

“Only on me!” he laughed as he pulled a rifle down from the wall.

“Come on, you’ll love the basement!”

 

* * *

 

“Edward! We need to get going, I can’t be late for my own party!” oswald felt a bit irate, as he leaned heavily on his cane. If they left now, they’d only be fashionably late. He adjusted his collar, examining himself in the ancient mirror. Even with the twisted face and bloodstained clothes that always showed in the cursed glass, he looked fantastic.

“Sorry love, I was just putting the finishing touches on your present.” Edward came down the stairs slowly, candlelight glinting off his glasses. He looked stunning in his dark forest green suit. Bruce came after him, smirking like he had a fresh corpse waiting in the lab. 

“Can I make the call now, father?” he asked eagerly. Edward smiled back, indulgently.

“Go ahead, son.”

“What is going on?” Oswald looked at them both, suspicious.

“Your present, dad! You’re going to love it!”

“Alright then, show me.” 

Bruce giggled, not that he’d ever admit to giggling. Then he turned to the upstairs landing, and called;

“Come on out, little sister!”

“We don’t have any children apart from Bruce” Oswald frowned, “do we?”

“We do now. Her.” 

Oswald looked up. Saw the girl. She was tiny, with long red hair and an elegant green dress. She looked like the perfect little lady, if you ignored the malicious shine in her eyes.

“Oh Ed” Oswald choked out, throat closing with terror and joy. “Who is she?”

“Her name is Ivy.” 

Oswald’s eyes filled with tears as the girl -Ivy- slowly descended the stairs.

“Oh,” he breathed as he pressed his face to Edward’s chest. “Sie ist  _ wunderbar.” _

**Author's Note:**

> sie ist wunderbar = she is wonderful


End file.
